We all have Wild Roots
I was the girl that gave concerts to her grandparents with a plastic mic standing on the red and yellow plastic picnic table. I was the girl who wanted to be the star of the play, the center of attention. I was outgoing. I always volunteered to go first and raised my hand to answer the question. I felt capable, free, VIBRANT.
Somewhere along the way I learned people don’t like you if you’re too loud, too smart, too in-charge. So I became the opposite. Small, quiet, deferential, the epitome of a wallflower. I retreated into a shell and hid. The inner critic controlled my thoughts.
I thought I earned love and friendship by how much of myself I could give up, how much I could do for the other, how productive I could be in school and at work. I always felt like I had a mask on.
Trying to reclaim a sense of independence, to take back the voice that I gave up, to feel like that little girl again, was a messy process. After the heartbreak of a miscarriage and wallowing in rock-bottom, I made a lot of mistakes and hurt people I cared about. And I punished myself for years.
It was only through a journey of self-discovery and a dedication to healing that I found my worth. I let go of the hurt and the limiting stories using tools for self-compassion and self-forgiveness (and tons of yoga and Reiki). I built a foundation on my values. I learned to trust myself again. I believed in my power again.
Now I know deep down I’m supposed to follow my own path, to take up a unique space in the world. Underneath everything, at the core of my being, I have these wild roots. So do you.